Wistful, wishful...

Khoye rehne do khayalon mein,
Ji lene do kuch der khwabon mein,
Haseen si duniya hai kuch lamhon ke liye,
Wapas phir haqeeqat ko aana hi to hai.


A friend's contribution to the continuation of that verse...
Iss chote se dil ko phir tadpana to hai,
Kuch apne mann ko manana bhi hai...
Wapas phir haqeeqat ko aana hi to hai.

Commemorating my loss with meaning and honour to his memory

I started this blog with the intent of having 'happy' posts on 'happy' subjects. I think I've been mostly true to that resolve. No, the title of this post is not misleading at all. Yes, I did experience a very personal loss very recently. Having a sheltered and protected upbringing always kept me shielded from tragedy of any kind. My first real tragedy was when Motu, my pet cat, decided to leave home and explore the wide world for himself. That probably puts into perspective my 'limited' brush with the Yin of life.
And yet, this post is not sad, cast by a pall of gloom, hopelessness or utter despair. Loss is hard, always is. Even if it's your goldfish. It's deeply painful, like an arrow shooting through your chest. Yeah, despite many negative emotions attached with personal loss my post is a happy one.

It's about honouring my dad's memory by forging ahead, all the more, with determination to become the person he would have liked to see me as, to live the kind of life he would have wanted me to live. It's about thanking him for the gifts of genetics, character and personality I've inherited from him; for investing a world of love, care and time into raising me with qualities he envisioned a good human being would have.

Nothing can replace what I've lost. There's also a realization that life is sun, shade and shadow. Wallowing in grief, self-pity or blaming fate and destiny for socking me this blow is not something he would have wanted me to be occupied with. Nor is the renunciation of celebration or festivity appropriate behaviour for someone who was saddened when I did not participate in any kind of gaiety.  

Most people around me kept telling me to 'stay strong'. I wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean. However, I now know that marching ahead - onwards and upwards - with strength is what they were talking about. Yeah, I am going to come to terms with my grief - not with sadness and gloom.

I'm going to achieve every milestone in my life and career that I know would have given him immense joy and satisfaction. I'm going to make my Dad proud of me through my actions, my choices and my decisions.

I AM his daughter.

Thank you for being MY Dad

He stands behind me, always will, my rock. An invisible support, the strongest I’ve ever known, always breaking my fall. I’ve known shelter, I’ve known protection and I’ve known a cocoon. I’ve known a possessiveness that keeps you out of harm’s way, a love that envelops you like the light and warmth of sunshine, which guides your way with hope and direction. I’ve known a faith and belief in my abilities much more that I could ever have in myself. I’ve learnt truth, integrity, sincerity, pureness of heart and goodness of being as a way of life through his life. To be a person who gives and gives, one who does not expect gratitude in return – it takes selflessness beyond comprehension. Do I thank the heavens or do I thank fate for bringing me to you? All I know is that I love you, Dad. Thank you for being MY Dad.