What does it mean to be a wallflower? What does it mean to
have been a wallflower for most of your earthly existence?
A quick Google search throws up a few varieties of
definition. Mostly, they state that a person who stands on the sidelines of a
social gathering shyly, sometimes feeling awkward and excluded. They also state
that such people, though being introverted and inward-focusing, still like
seeking out social events and communication fairly regularly. The definition
that I love the most comes from urbandictionary.com
“A type
of loner, seemingly shy folks who no one knows, often some of the most
interesting people if one actually talks to them.”
Urban dictionary’s collaborative format allows users to
contribute their definitions of terms. Thus, wallflower’s definition on this
website spans the spectrum of being shy, introverted, observer rather than
doer, someone who desires social activity but is unable to participate because
of personality traits. Some users also define a wallflower as being unpopular
and so getting left out of social events and group gatherings.
I identify as a wallflower. So, what’s my take on being a
wallflower? Well, for as far back as I can remember, I have memories of being
the silent, quiet one when surrounded by people. I don’t know if it was a lack
of self-confidence, or low self-esteem, or shyness, or introversion or all of
these that held me back from diving into social liveliness.
What has that come to mean? I have had friends few and far
between – none, early on, and countable on my fingers, later on in my existence.
I have never taken the initiative to form bonds and relationships. The few
friendships I have had have been because my friends took the time to seek me
out, the patience to understand me, and then show graciousness in becoming my
friends. However, these few countable friendships have turned out to be
friendships for life for me. I have now come to understand that my bonds of
friendship are rarely formed to be flippant. They mostly have deep meaning and
value in my life.
Why these ramblings on wallflowering into social non-existence
though? My life seems to have taken a U-turn in the context of my social
connections. I now find that I actually use social media and messaging apps to
keep up with my friends. This has been a very recent occurrence. And, it
surprises me. It surprises the wallflower part of me. It isn’t like I have a
thousand friends and connections now but they are more – significantly more –
than what I have been used to having my whole life. And these conversations that i now have with friends and connections spread across the globe truly astounds me. So it is true - you can grow, and grow by leaps and bounds. And those leaps and bounds are only relative to you, no one else.
Yeah, wallflowers do desire friends and dance partners and
connections – I have to agree with that variant of definition on
urbandictionary. To be able to forge connections that really matter, that I
have wanted to be a part of my life more than anything else – I have stepped
out of my wallflower comfort zone. I did, “put myself out there” and I think I
am “rockstar” for it!
Here’s to Kerouac – “if you don’t say what you want, what is
the sense of writing?”
And to Natasha Badhwar, “Writing
connects the stories. The writing brain is usually not the social self. It’s
slower and smarter. Writing forces me to understand and unravel, rather than
judge.
Write long enough and
one begins to see one’s reflection on the page. As if the light has shifted and
transformed the screen into a mirror. Writing reveals us to ourselves…
Writing is the beginning
of brave…”
Here’s also to being a
braver wallflower.
