Wistful, wishful...

Khoye rehne do khayalon mein,
Ji lene do kuch der khwabon mein,
Haseen si duniya hai kuch lamhon ke liye,
Wapas phir haqeeqat ko aana hi to hai.


A friend's contribution to the continuation of that verse...
Iss chote se dil ko phir tadpana to hai,
Kuch apne mann ko manana bhi hai...
Wapas phir haqeeqat ko aana hi to hai.

Commemorating my loss with meaning and honour to his memory

I started this blog with the intent of having 'happy' posts on 'happy' subjects. I think I've been mostly true to that resolve. No, the title of this post is not misleading at all. Yes, I did experience a very personal loss very recently. Having a sheltered and protected upbringing always kept me shielded from tragedy of any kind. My first real tragedy was when Motu, my pet cat, decided to leave home and explore the wide world for himself. That probably puts into perspective my 'limited' brush with the Yin of life.
And yet, this post is not sad, cast by a pall of gloom, hopelessness or utter despair. Loss is hard, always is. Even if it's your goldfish. It's deeply painful, like an arrow shooting through your chest. Yeah, despite many negative emotions attached with personal loss my post is a happy one.

It's about honouring my dad's memory by forging ahead, all the more, with determination to become the person he would have liked to see me as, to live the kind of life he would have wanted me to live. It's about thanking him for the gifts of genetics, character and personality I've inherited from him; for investing a world of love, care and time into raising me with qualities he envisioned a good human being would have.

Nothing can replace what I've lost. There's also a realization that life is sun, shade and shadow. Wallowing in grief, self-pity or blaming fate and destiny for socking me this blow is not something he would have wanted me to be occupied with. Nor is the renunciation of celebration or festivity appropriate behaviour for someone who was saddened when I did not participate in any kind of gaiety.  

Most people around me kept telling me to 'stay strong'. I wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean. However, I now know that marching ahead - onwards and upwards - with strength is what they were talking about. Yeah, I am going to come to terms with my grief - not with sadness and gloom.

I'm going to achieve every milestone in my life and career that I know would have given him immense joy and satisfaction. I'm going to make my Dad proud of me through my actions, my choices and my decisions.

I AM his daughter.

Thank you for being MY Dad

He stands behind me, always will, my rock. An invisible support, the strongest I’ve ever known, always breaking my fall. I’ve known shelter, I’ve known protection and I’ve known a cocoon. I’ve known a possessiveness that keeps you out of harm’s way, a love that envelops you like the light and warmth of sunshine, which guides your way with hope and direction. I’ve known a faith and belief in my abilities much more that I could ever have in myself. I’ve learnt truth, integrity, sincerity, pureness of heart and goodness of being as a way of life through his life. To be a person who gives and gives, one who does not expect gratitude in return – it takes selflessness beyond comprehension. Do I thank the heavens or do I thank fate for bringing me to you? All I know is that I love you, Dad. Thank you for being MY Dad.

The Sinuous and the Sensual!

That's Dance! And Sketching too! As unlikely a pair as chalk and cheese and yet, surprisingly or unsurprisingly, I found them to have so many similarities. They require you to be confident - firm in your strokes for sketching and clean in your movements in dance. And graceful - swift, sinuous movements as your hand flies across the sheet of paper etching strokes with a seeming ease. Graceful, elegant and quick movements, also, while your body moves in sync with the rythm of the music, slicing the air with moves deceptively simple. But both require you approach them with logic, precision and and a plan of action either consciously or, if you're skilled enough, subconsciously. I think they're both a test of YOU as a person, the ease you are at with yourself and how uninhibitedly you can let the essence of You flow out through brush strokes and dance moves. They reveal the very core of you and your personality to viewers;  intimate forms of art which always make an artist feel vulnerable. You are putting yourself out there for the world to see and invariably get judgmental. They are as pure a way of expressing yourself as it can get, and boy, do you need courage to be able to not only be true to yourself to let your being shine through your work, you have to be brave enough with having the world witness it. Art Forms at their best (and no, I'm not talking about being a master at them - just being strong enough to allow yourself to express though them)!

More Intangibility

A fleeting memory, a transient experience, a flicker of reality, a smidgeon in time - trifle in quantity but making up life's most memorable moments. Moments you'd like to go over and re-visit in your mind while you look up briefly from your work and gaze out out of your window at the world in front of you, when you're contemplating nature in your serenely thoughtful mood even as the world noisily whizzes by all around you with a hundred different sounds, when the conversation of your company brings a swift and wistful nostalgia, when the sight of something reminds you of familiar scenes, as scents stir up reminiscences...of moments lived, experienced, enjoyed. Some of them, strangely enough, tough times but forming beautiful memories to look back on.

Yeah, all things intangible. The reigning theme of my current blog posts! It's surprisingly wonderful how the most unquantifiable and non-material things in life are the the ones that are the richest. Rich in a value that cannot be measured but capable of giving you sublime happiness. 

And happiness too is one of those small immeasurables.

'I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple little pleasures, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string.'

Small little trifles that quietly sneak into your day when you least expect them, feather-touches of moments that are heavier than their weight in gold. And they punctiliously follow the axiom of 'Too much of anything is bad.' It's probably their breezing in and out of your life and lasting for that perfect flicker of time which makes them so immensely enjoyable and leaves you with a yearning for them.

Sigh! They're what make up life and everything about it that matters.

Micro-blogging!

 Here I am with 'no time to stand and stare'. However, there's still the zeal to celebrate life, the earnestness to learn new things and the wonder of a new-born child delightfully exploring his new world. So, this is that record...

Cool summer evenings, clear night skies, family rendezvous on moonlit terraces, wafting aromas of flowering mango trees, an air full of seeming anticipation and expectancy. Spring evenings and Summer nights in Hyderabad – magical! - April 22 at 12:39am

A thunderstorm raging away in the night sets the atmosphere so perfectly to curl up with your favourite read in your warmest, coziest spot with a steaming cuppa nestled comfortably beside you. And along comes the vision of a hard, tiring school day the very next morning to jolt you back to reality! - April 19 at 11:27pm

Ah, Mimosa! I couldn't be happier to see that you're in Charleston! - April 19 at 1:51pm

It's curious how distance and time filter out bad memories (most of the time) and leave you with gold-coated impressions of only the good and wonderful. - April 15 at 7:35pm

Each day is bringing me a new experience. I'm not sure I've made up my mind about them being 'good' or 'not-so-good' - April 12 at 8:33pm

Dreamy, idyllic, irrational, idealistic, looking at the world through rose-tinted glasses and living in wonderland! - April 9 at 1:15am

The road runs along straight and meets a soft blue sky at the farthest point beyond which the eye can see no further; the vista all around you is sublimely bathed in a glorious orange; the road takes you past a clump of tall bare trees silhouetted black as a vivid sun glows low on the horizon through them. You gaze at the beauty, soaking it up and wonder at being a part of it all even as the road turns leading you away…into the splendid sunset. - April 3, 2011 at 4:34pm

And you gaze out of your window at the gathering dusk, the dull blue-grey sky getting ready to turn midnight blue, the vague glassy facades of buildings in the distance which reflect a constant shimmery flicker of the headlights of vehicles passing by. The air feels celebratory, the lights festive - just like there. Home is where the heart is, home is where you find it, home is everywhere. - February 28 at 7:12pm

Swathes of golden-orange and peachish-pink streaking across a heavenly blue sky - Sigh! I live for gorgeous sunsets and beautiful twilight skies like todays! - February 18 at 6:34pm

'Thanks to the human heart by which we live, thanks to its tenderness, its joys, and fears...' - William Wordsworth - February 16 at 11:55pm

I'm surrounded by squirrels merrily scampering by, happy birds skipping from tree to tree - I feel like Snow-White! - February 12 at 7:29pm

is zooming out onto the larger picture and looking at things from a different perspective. It's wonderful to be older and wiser and to know what things in your life deserve what amount of importance and attention. - February 8 at 8:01pm

So, you know you're either advancing in age or dead tired when you start dozing in the middle of the day in a library with waves of uncontrollable sleep stubbornly shutting your eyelids when you should ideally be pouring over the big fat book on your lap. Because it's me, it can't be anything but the 'advancing in age' option!!! - February 4 at 10:04pm

wants to learn how to sing! - February 2 at 7:38pm

'Aisi jagah baith jo koi na bole uthh, aise baat kar jo koi na bole jhooth' - Thanks Bademam (Masood Humayun). - February 1 at 10:34pm

'...life is a continuum. We find ourselves in different places in our lives and must do what we think is right. While some like to feel like they are in control of their own destiny, I contest that you should make the best of what you are given, and leave your mark wherever possible.' - Adam Salmen - January 29 at 7:29pm

'Learning how to learn is what academia is all about.' - John Motloch, my prof. - January 28 at 11:32am

'Hissy Fits'!!! That's definitely my USP! - January 27 at 4:31pm

Weekends come along, treacherously deceptive, dressed to ensnare and throw you off the rhythm and momentum you carefully cultivate over the week. Then you have to start all over again!!! - January 23 at 11:03pm

Poetry in a History class, Ozymandias and Landscape Architecture - wow, wow, wow! - January 18 at 10:18pm

Submitted the very first assignment of my Master’s program! Some benchmark that is! - January 13 at 2:25pm

The things you want are always like mirages - beautiful - until you get there and realize that what you saw was only a projection. There's heat and dust and discomfort which makes up the pretty picture - only illusionary, at that. - January 9 at 3:45pm

 

All things intangible...

...like smells...odours - the fragrant kind, the tantalizingly tempting and the temptingly enticing. The zesty tang of a bright yellow lemon. The crisp, sharp nip of its slightly sour aroma that screams 'freshness' like no other is one of the most uplifting of 'smells' that can instantly alter your mood to surprisingly match the fruit's cheery colour. And, Oh! The royal aroma of thinly sliced onions being fried a deep golden brown. There's a hint of sweetness in that smell and a delectably alluring hold on you that you can't break away from until you've gorged on the eatables that those onions have garnished. There's nothing more heavenly that the smells of fried onions, topped with sprigs of mint and coriander and sprinkled with fresh lemon juice - it's indescribable, only an aroma you'd associate with food fit for the gods.



Or that unmistakable flavour that fills the air when you fry a paste of freshly ground fragrant ginger and garlic - a base for the rest of your regular, mundane curry, yet that bourgeois ingredient that never fails to lace your cooking with a hint of sour-sweet and fried, golden goodness.



The delightful aromas that spices give out when you roast them and grind them. Oh! The smells of a melting pot of all that's nice that is merrily boiling away can bring a smile to your lips and lilt you like a sweet melody does - or perhaps it’s the tune of that happy song you're listening to or humming away as you stir, boil and whip up a delectable treat. Because that's what cooking does - it lightens your mood, peps you up, de-stresses you - it engages all your senses, especially the olfactory one, which play such a large role in making you feel happy at your food smelling good. It invariably means you're doing all the right things to make your recipe a success of a dish.



Cooking is all about the smells, isn't it? Glorious, tempting, tantalizing smells that waft through the air, enticing you, whetting your appetite, making you salivate and lust desirably at all the sublime food giving off those aromas.



Why, then, would one want to remove all traces of lovely aromas that linger around while they cook? Why would one want to cleanse the living quarters to a sanitized lab-like atmosphere by sucking them all out through exhaust fans? Why would one not want those smells to stay on in one's hair and clothes or drift around and out through the windows?



I think the aromas are the best part of the cooking process. They're the raison d'etre for cooking, eating and enjoying your meal.