The Non-Facebook Post #114

Goodbye.

Goodbyes are hard. Except when you're looking forward to getting rid of people and places - then it becomes 'good riddance.'
Goodbyes are a relatively new phenomena for me. I have not had to move away from my loved ones and home for the better part of my life. My first and hardest goodbye was when I travelled an ocean to foreign shores. That goodbye was so hard that I flew back in a month and returned a year later. I had left behind my cat, family and friends - Home.

Surprisingly, I've experienced 3 or 4 heart-rending goodbyes in these four years that I've spent on foreign shores.

Why, surprising? Here are some of my Facebook statuses that explain this. I am an avid Facebook user and my status updates regularly flood my friends' newsfeeds. They help me express and record my thoughts, feelings and emotions.

From that repository, here is one of the hardest goodbyes I had to say. It was in April last year. Now, 2014 was a landmark year for me. I graduated with both my degrees in summer and winter respectively.

I was about to graduate in July last year with my Master's in Landscape Architecture. A little earlier, in April, I wrote -

"What does it mean when you begin to miss a person, a group of people, a place?

It's been 3 years of living the life I never had, of going through experiences I missed in my "golden years." And I've surprised myself by forming bonds - ties of friendship, relationships of acquaintance, professional networks. For someone who's been a wallflower for most of their earthly existence, this has been a remarkable anomaly.

And it's that time of year when I flood Facebook with posts that reflect the emotions going through my head. Emotions of attachment, sadness, gratefulness, quiet introspection, but above all, the thought of missing the people and places I've formed these close bonds with."

The status continues in a lengthy manner where I go on to thank my friends for enriching my life with valuable experiences and relationships and I name each of my classmates and thank them.

I love watching this TV show called Project Runway. It's anchored by one of my favorite creative thinkers, Tim Gunn. During each show, he says this standard line to the contestant ousted in that week's design competition -

"I have to send you to the workroom to clean up your space." I add, " Yeah, cleaning up your space - I don't think the thought remotely crosses your mind when you're enthusiastically setting up your newly assigned place, your desk, your studio workzone.

I guess this is part of the circle of life.

Winding down the graduate school experience I initiated 3 years ago with a Monica-Rachel 'end of an era' emotion."

Later, in December last year, when I was graduating with my second degree I wrote -

"Wow, that's that. Last day of class. Culmination of the academic-graduate student phase. End of an era. 

A journey that took flight three years ago and got me across the proverbial seven seas to new shores.

Goodbyes are hard, darn it." And, "Oh, goodbyes, goodbyes and more goodbyes. It's going to drive me crazy. Either you shouldn't have to leave or you shouldn't get attached to people and places."

So, from all of my goodbye musings on Facebook, I have come to distill three reasons why goodbyes are so hard:
1. Attachment - you get attached to people and places and going away from them is going to leave a void in your heart and life.
2. I ascribe this to another status update but one that my friend shared. "You leave a part of you behind when you leave a place." The person you are at that point in time is in part because you and your behaviour are responding to the people and environment surrounding you. You won't be that person again because now your behavioural responses will be based on the new environment you are in.
3. Highly sensitive people feel emotions more acutely. I am a highly sensitive person and even the smallest of emotions is greatly amplified and felt.

However, last night I was thinking about the flip side to goodbyes, about the yang to this yin. With goodbyes come hellos and the chance to forge new connections.
So, here's looking forward to hellos and, see you again, maybe.

Postscript 1: This is my second Toastmasters speech. Except for transitioning smoothly and connecting ideas better, I was evaluated favourably.

Postscript 2: It's a commonly held belief that if you do something enough times over and over, you start getting better at it. Be cool, unattached and objective, Person!